


The Mute and the Cripple

by Ranowa



Series: Distorting Equivalency [2]
Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types
Genre: Fluff, Gen, Parental Royed - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-16
Updated: 2017-04-16
Packaged: 2018-10-19 12:00:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,841
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10639416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ranowa/pseuds/Ranowa
Summary: Additional epilogue between chs. 24/25. Ed and Roy share a hospital room, an inability to sleep, and a chess set.





	

Ed flopped onto his stomach, moaned miserably, and buried his face in his pillow. Then, with a second groan, he fluffed it again, then punched it for good measure, and cursed its hard, lumpy existence into oblivion.

He briefly wondered if the trouble of drawing a transmutation circle out was worth it, just to make the damn thing softer and more punchable, then just sighed.

Dragging himself upright to check a clock was too much effort, as far as he was concerned, but it felt like somewhere around two in the morning. For once, it hadn't been nightmares or general uneasiness that had dragged him out of sleep, but his arm, or lack there of; the pain had woken him up at least an hour ago. The doctors had carried out further, damming amputation just two days ago; while the pain was nowhere close to the deep, gnawing sort of agony when he'd first lost it, it still ached on and off tremendously- to the point that it had yanked him even out of sleep.

It wasn't as bad now, he felt; at least, he no longer was needing to muffle himself from crying out or battle the urge to vomit- but it was still far, far too much for him to even think of going back to sleep now. Every possible position aggravated it and the hot, painful waves still radiated outwards with each carefully measured breath. All too familiar with this type of pain, Ed knew that simply the only thing that could be done was wait for it to pass.

He rolled over with another extremely annoyed huff again, stubbornly glared at the wall, and gave the pillow as violent of a punch as he could.

Piece of shit pillow.

He was just about to close his eyes, now deciding to favor darkness over glaring murderously at the wall, when a crumpled up paper ball bopped him right on the mouth.

He glared at it now instead of the wall.

It took him several moments to work up the motivation to actually do anything. For a few seconds, he really only had the energy and will to just lay there and glare at it. But he could feel the person responsible staring at him, waiting for it to be received, so at last, he propped himself up just enough to unfold the note.

_Is all that moaning and groaning a cry for attention, or are you just trying to make me as miserable as you sound? Whichever it is, you're succeeding. Whichever it is, please, stop._

Ed rolled his eyes and promptly chucked the paper back across the room. He heard it land on its target without even looking and hid a smirk that became a groan, burying his face back into the sheets. "Go back to your beauty sleep, bastard," he grunted, and his response was yet another crumpled paper ball to the head barely three seconds later. This one didn't even have anything written on it.

He groaned again, giving in irritably again. He pushed himself onto his back and rolled his head over to glare at the other side of the hospital room, crinkling the most recent projectile in his fist. "My arm hurts. So leave me alone," he snapped, glaring at Roy, who just frowned right back unflinchingly for several moments, then lowered his gaze to the notepad in his lap and started to write another message.

Ed, whether it be a curse or a blessing, had found himself a roommate.

While there was little to be done for the scar on his neck, the doctors had decided to try and go into Roy's throat, to fix the damage from Kuzon's collar that had left him perpetually hoarse and croaking. While it had gone well and been a relatively minor surgery, the colonel had still been forced into staying the night, and made to not use his voice for three days, at least. A mute roommate made for pretty awful company, in Ed's opinion... though it _was_ better than being alone, really... and he still wasn't all too sure if he'd be relieved or even more anxious when the man left the next morning.

Not that him being released would matter much... Ed was pretty sure the colonel hadn't even left the room in four days straight.

He sighed, shaking off the thought and making himself grin instead. Well, at least his voice would be better soon... the doctors had said that he'd be back to shouting like usual in no time. Sure, he'd probably never manage a career switch to opera singer, but other than that...

Very abruptly, he was struck with the very disturbing mental image of Roy in a dress, center stage, and hitting a note high enough to break glass- maudlin damsel in distress style.

He instantly had to choke back laughter so violent it probably would've reduced him to tears if it got free.

A bang of the notepad got his attention, and he lifted his head to see Roy glaring daggers at him. _Do I want to know what you're trying so hard not to laugh at over there?_

"...No," Ed barely managed, just barely, and swallowed back another hysterical chuckle. "Probably not."

Roy's glare intensified, the colonel looking almost as if he was trying to stare him into submission. It held a lot less weight when he knew the bastard couldn't yell at him, though, so Ed just smirked back before tucking an arm behind his head, reverting his gaze back to the ceiling. "Go back to sleep," he repeated, faking a yawn for emphasis. "I'm fine."

There was no sound from the other side of the room, though, and somehow, Ed could just _feel_ that irritating stare boring into him, unyielding and stubborn. Damn it, he wasn't even _saying_ anything, just looking at him, but...

"Oh my _god_ will you quit being such a jerk and just go back to sleep already?" he snapped at last, giving in as he jerked back onto his side, glaring back at him. "I'm fine. _Fine._ F-I-N-E. It's just my arm, you mangy mutt. It does this all the time." Okay, so that was a lie, it hadn't hurt this much since he'd first gotten the automail, but no reason to tell him that. "I'll be fine."

Roy's eyes narrowed in concern, and he sat fully upright, looking him over with a stare so piercing it was almost unsettling. It only broke when the colonel looked down to swiftly scrawl another message, which then landed right next to his hand on the bed. _Do you need me to get your nurse?_

Oh, _hell._ That simpering, irritating priss of a woman... _"No,"_ he snapped emphatically, shuddering for emphasis. He waved Roy off, shaking his head in annoyance. "I told you already, I'm fine. So just look over there," he pointed violently at the opposite wall, "and dream bastard dreams, and quit _bothering_ me."

Roy just raised a speculative eyebrow at him, looking vaguely amused now and not at all like he was about to follow the command. Indeed, rather than just lay back down and leave him be, after several moments, the colonel swung out of bed, planted, his feet on the floor, and stood.

Ed instantly balked, his eyes widening. "Hey, what are you doing?" He sat upright as well, pushing his hair back to stare at him as the colonel moved to sit down by his side, kicking his feet up like he was there to stay. "Roy, listen, I'm fine, just-"

Roy jabbed his pen at him, the gesture telling him without words to stop talking. Blinking, Ed found himself falling silent again to just watch as Roy swiftly scrawled another note, then showed it to him.

_I can't sleep, either- you weren't keeping me up. So if neither of us can sleep, might as well pass the time some way besides assaulting pillows._

Ed winced, glancing at his previous punching bag. So, Roy had seen that. A hint of embarrassment started to rise and he bit his lip, keeping his gaze averted. He knew full well Roy hadn't been awake until he'd woken him up. The bastard had been out like a light for hours and by the way he was still blearily blinking the sleep out of his eyes was struggling to stay awake even now. He was so transparent it was almost embarrassing- but somehow, he couldn't find the motivation to yell at him for it.

Because the idea of lying here for hours more with nothing but his own thoughts for company was simply an utterly miserable one. Letting Roy distract him, no matter how childish or needy or weak it felt, was still better than that.

When Roy could see that he'd given in, the colonel sat back with a satisfied nod, the firm, unyielding look in his eyes fading as he started to draw out another message. He looked, for all the world, like this was completely normal, and for a moment Ed had to avert his gaze again, stubbornly refusing to give into the warm, silent gratitude welling up in his chest making his throat constrict.

Roy noisily ripped off the next sheet and impassively passed it over to him.

_As long as we're sitting here- I've actually needed to talk to you in private for a while, Ed. Concerning the transmutation you did, to reverse the chimera transformation._

...Uh oh.

Abruptly wary, Ed carefully set the sheet back down on the bed, suddenly finding it very difficult to meet his eyes. "O- okay," he muttered weakly, trying to keep his voice steady. "That's unexpected, but... sure..." Not that unexpected actually, but he'd been hoping to have more time to think about how to explain this- not to mention right now, exhausted and annoyed and in pain, he really didn't feel up to making it through this discussion alive. "What'd you want to know?" he asked, trying desperately to stall.

Roy frowned at him, as if the question should've been obvious- and it was, really. But when Ed continued to feign obliviousness, the man sighed, writing out his answer. _I need to know the array you used, Ed._

Oh, of course he did.

Just, of _course_ he did.

Nosy bastard couldn't leave well enough alone...

"...Where's this coming from all of a-" Ed looked up and stopped midway through another decidedly pathetic attempt to stall, seeing the colonel was already writing out his explanation. He bit his lip and looked away nervously. He'd almost forgotten until now that no one had actually told Roy just what they had done... and there was no question about it- he wasn't going to take it well.

_Damn it. Real fucking nice job there, waking him up, Ed. Brilliantly done, as always._

Roy handed over his explanation, and, swallowing back his unsteady reluctance, Ed lowered his gaze to read it.

_I'm taking over Lab Three. I'm going to change how the military handles chimeras. I'll end any experimentation, and the only research we do will be non-invasive and to change them back. We're not going to treat chimeras the way we have been any more._

Ed paused for a moment longer, his heart clenching. Damn it- _damn_ it... "...Took you long enough to figure that out," he mumbled, the words coming out crueler than he'd intended no matter the lack of fire behind them. All he'd really been trying to do was postpone the inevitable- because after that, telling them what they'd done...

Roy, however, wasn't even slighted by the words. He even smiled a little, though the expression hid only old pain. _You're right. What we tried to do to Nina was wrong. I knew that back then, too. I suppose the difference now it's no longer something I can just push aside and say I'll deal with it when I'm Fuhrer. Call me self-centered if you want- I'm still going after Lab Three now. And I need your array to do it._

Damn it. This would definitely be a lot easier if he was asking just to sate his own curiosity, not for something like this. "Hell, you're not even a bio-alchemist. Good luck with all of that, mangy..." The now defunct nickname trailed off into nothing, Ed suddenly finding it too painful to say given their current conversation. "...Roy."

Roy hmphed at him, and almost immediately another note was tossed on top of the last. _Don't underestimate my connections. Just because I lack the expertise doesn't mean my acquaintances are similarly inexperienced._

"...Well, maybe... I just-"

A third note landed in his lap. _Stop stalling._

Damn it.

Damn perceptive bastard.

Gulping, Ed shifted uneasily in the corner he'd just been backed into it, clenched the notes in his fist. He shut his eyes for a moment, then shook his head at himself, swallowing back reluctance and misery. As painful as it would be, both for him to say and for the colonel to accept it, the man deserved the truth.

Roy was watching him unflinchingly, his eyes hard and his arms folded to become an unapproachable front. Clearly, the colonel could see that he was purposefully dodging the question- and though it was impossible he knew why, the man obviously could tell it was nothing good.

Well, he was right. It wasn't.

Ed sighed, his shoulders slumping in defeat.

There really was no way out of this.

And so, with nothing more than a breath to prepare himself, Ed looked him in the eye, and he told him, "We used your philosopher's stone."

Roy froze.

He just stared at him for several long, horrible moments, his eyes slowly widening, the calm, impassive passivity from before draining away as he absorbed the words and what they meant. When they finally really, truly hit him, he went bone white, pen falling from suddenly slack hands and the breath leaving him with a painful kind of keening, jerking up ramrod straight and agape with horror. He sat like frozen like that, staring at him like Ed had just taken a knife and stabbed him with it.

With each passing second, that anguished stare became more and more impossible to take, and he found that he had to remind himself that no matter how much Roy hated him for it, using that philosopher's stone had been worth it.

In the cold, stiff silence, one that rang with horrified finality, Roy was the one to break their gaze. He bowed his head low, expression shielded by overgrown bangs, and to Ed's horror, his shoulders actually started shaking like he was about to cry. His hands clenched into knuckle-white fists, breaths becoming unsteady and ragged, his whole body so tense he looked as if he was about to snap. Ed stiffened in alarm, his eyes widening. Okay, he'd not expected a good reaction, and Hughes had warned him it was probably going to be bad, but _this?_ The man looked like he was seconds away from falling apart. "H-hey," he hastened to say, trying to keep his voice steady, "I know you're upset, but we really-"

That was all it took.

Roy snapped out of it like he'd been struck, unfreezing and bringing pen to paper in an instant, writing so rapidly it was a wonder it was legible at all. He ripped the sheet so violently off he nearly tore straight through the words and thrust it at him, his eyes impossibly wide and gaze so horrified Ed couldn't hold it for more than a second.

_Human transmutation?! HUMAN TRANSMUTATION?!_

Ed winced. "It wasn't like we had any other choice-"

_YOU ARROGANT SHIT, WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?!_

"Roy, come on," he argued, getting a little annoyed now, "we weren't happy about it either, but-"

_YOU COULD'VE DIED!_

...What?

The pen wrote so quickly it was a blur, sheets ripped off and thrown at him without Roy even pausing in his silent lecture, scathing reprimand after scathing reprimand hurled at him without break for a single respite in between. The colonel was shaking he was so incensed, and only now that Ed looked closer at him did he realize that all the signs he'd previously mistaken for distress were, in fact, rage.

The man was _livid._

_What if something had gone wrong, you idiot?! You could've been killed! You could've lost more of your limbs! WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?!_

_How could you take such a risk for ME?! How could Hughes let you?! You can't control human transmutation, you know that, you could've DIED and then what?! Did you think I'd consider that worth it, equivalent?!_

"R-Roy..."

_What if the stone hadn't been enough?! You had no way of knowing if it was! If it'd ran out it would've killed you! You little shit, you NEVER do something like that again, is that understood?! Do you not realize you could've killed yourself?!_

_HUMAN TRANSMUTATION, Edward! HUMAN TRANSMUTATION! I'm not worth that, nothing's worth that! YOU IDIOT!_

"I... hey..."

_Next time you even get CLOSE to that fucking bullshit I will cut off your hand myself so you can never use alchemy again! I don't give a fuck your reasons! YOU COULD'VE DIED!_

Ed stared up at him in shocked disbelief.

Roy was still frantically writing, trembling so hard he could barely hold the pen, his script growing more and more and erratic with each passing page. He'd torn through the last sheet with how hard he was pressing the pen, black blots of ink staining the paper as he ripped his way through furious commands and sheer rage.

_YOU COULD'VE DIED! YOU UTTER FUCKING MORON! WHAT THE HELL GOT INTO YOUR HEAD MAKING YOU THINK THIS WAS ACCEPTABLE?!_

He showed absolutely no signs of stopping.

_YOU COULD'VE KILLED YOURSELF FOR ME, YOU FUCKING FOOL!_

Okay, enough of this.

Ed yanked the notepad straight out of his trembling hands.

Roy made an enraged grab for it, pale hand jerking out and face contorting, but Ed kept it out of reach. "Will you chill the fuck out?!" he hissed, pulling it even further out of his hand's grasp. "You're making a huge deal out of nothing!"

The colonel stared at him in horror, clearly so livid Ed almost expected him to scream. . He made another grab for his notepad, still shaking, but Ed kept it away and went on, snapping, "We had your stone! Nothing was going to go wrong- the risk was minimal-"

" _M- minimal?!"_ Roy gasped, croaking out the livid reprimand the only way he could, voice a barely audible hiss. _"You c-could've died-"_

"Will you fucking shut up?! You're going to hurt yourself!" he almost yelled, reaching around to smack him in the head with the notepad. "There was _minimal_ risk, you dumbass! Minimal, and we _all_ agreed it was worth it. You actually _would've_ died, if we hadn't done something! What were we supposed to do, just let you stay like that?!"

Roy stared at him, eyes still wide and horrified. _Yes!_ he mouthed emphatically, staring at him like it was the most obvious thing in the world. _Yes! YES!_

Furious himself now, Ed reached out to whack him again. "Shut up and pull the stick out of your ass, would you?! Don't pretend like you wouldn't have done the exact same if you'd been in our position."

Roy opened his mouth, then shut it again, clearly wanting to argue on but robbed of any argument to make. Ed rolled his eyes, waiting for several moments to make sure he'd cooled off enough to at least listen to him before handing his notepad back, holding his gaze. "You would've died. There was almost no risk. So, shut up. Unless _you_ really would've not done anything, if you had had a stone and me or Hughes or whoever needed your help." He waited a moment, watching as Roy's glare grew even more furious, but his words had hit home and he knew it, so he didn't have to wait long until the colonel at last sank back against his seat, staring limply at him in muted defeat- defeat that still glimmered, however, through anger.

"You would've done it for me," he repeated firmly. "So you've got no right to be mad at us doing it for you."

Roy just stared at him for several moments, then just finally slumped, leaning forward to bury his face in his hands and groan. He stayed like that for a while, thrown by what he'd learned and trying to get a hold of himself, and Ed sat back as well, watching him force out calm and measured breaths and the hand holding the pen shake. When at last he felt like it was safe to talk again, the colonel somewhat calmer and not seeming quite so furious anymore, he did so- but warily, and watching him closely in case he set off another fit.

"Hell. Hughes said you'd be mad, but we figured it'd be about the stone. Not _this._ " He shook his head for a moment, still a little shocked by how angry Roy had been. _"_ Fuck, what's wrong with you?"

Roy lifted his head to glare at him, shifting his grip on his pen again but at least not about to go on a silent rant now. His stare softened to one of confusion, and Ed shrugged self-explanatorily, waving a hand. "That we had to use your Ishvallan stone..."

The colonel blinked unsurely, then actually sat back, anger's ghost finally fading entirely to give way for a sardonic, drained sort amusement. He wrote another message now, calmer than before, and cleanly tore it off rather than nearly ripping it to pieces.

_Ishval already owns me, Ed. I'm not thrilled about that stone being used for me, of coures, but everything that I am already belongs to them. Nothing you've done could ever change that._

That was all he wrote, and all he needed to write.

The withdrawn, motionless colonel leaned back again, closing his eyes. His hands folded stiffly in his lap and he breathed out, resigned and defeated, and Ed had to look away, guilt clenching painfully in his chest even though there was really nothing he could've done. "Sorry," he mumbled, his own shoulders slumping. "I'm sorry... I wish I could tell you something more helpful. ...I know this doesn't help you at all with Lab Three."

He expected the colonel to just wave off his apology, as he was want to do. Roy, however, surprised him by letting out a quiet, sad sort of chuckle, shaking his head at him. He wrote another message and passed it over, meeting his gaze at last with a tiny, wry smile.

_I'm still going after Lab Three. If what you did won't work again, that's just a setback- I'll just search until I find something that will. No matter what how long this takes, Ed, I'm not letting them use a chimera like that again._

The motivations behind the simple, heartfelt message were clear.

. "...I thought you didn't remember any of it," Ed ventured cautiously.

 _I remember enough,_ the colonel mouthed simply, and once again, that was all he needed to say.

Roy sat there quietly for a minute, arms still folded as he looked towards the ground stubbornly, breathing evenly and apparently trying to calm himself down further still. Ed let him withdraw and averted his gaze himself, wishing there was something more he could do. He touched his aching shoulder for a moment, then just sighed.

At last, when Roy, his eyes shadowed, rose to his feet again, Ed thought the colonel was giving up on trying to continue this ill-fated conversation and was leaving him alone and going back to bed, like he should've done in the first place. However, rather than crossing the room again, Roy instead went towards a previously abandoned chess set, one he and Hughes had spent two hours battling over that afternoon.

"Roy?"

The colonel waved him off silently, gathering the pieces haphazardly in his arms before proceeding back to dump them down next to him, spreading out the small board next. He quickly wrote an explanation and handed it over without looking at him, instead moving to start setting up the pieces. _Obviously, neither of us is going to be able to sleep any time soon. And I don't know about you, but this is at least preferable to sitting in silence._

"...Oh..." Ed hesitated, watching the colonel for a moment, then just decided to follow his lead. He seemed okay again, now just looking for a distraction himself, and _that,_ he could sympathize with very well. Still a little reluctantly, Ed started to set up his own side of the board, taking the black pieces for his side and mimicking the way Roy had his set up. It took him a little fumbling with one hand, but at last he had it right, and without further ado, Roy casually nudged one of his pawns forward.

Scowling, Ed again copied him, glancing away for a moment. "You and Hughes were arguing for two hours over this this afternoon," he commented dryly, watching as the colonel decided on his next move. "I thought you were going to kill him."

Roy scowled right back, clicking his pen with a little more than necessary. _Hughes cheats._

"Didn't you only start complaining about that after he'd won?" Ed pointed out, snickering. "Besides, how'd he cheat? You were watching him the whole time."

Roy shoved the note at him again, glaring.

He rolled his eyes, chuckling again under his breath. "Sore loser." Ed hesitated, reaching for his pieces again, then lifted one up at random and again copied what Roy had done, jumping it forward. "You're just whining because Hughes is better at chess than..."

Ed trailed off into silence when he lifted his gaze from the game and found Roy staring right at him in obvious confusion. "...What?" he glanced back down at the chess board, then back at the colonel. _"...What?"_

Slowly, understanding replaced confusion.

And then, his mouth morphed into a smirk.

_You've never played chess before, have you?_

Shit. "...Uh... well..." He furiously tried to stop the embarrassed flush that tried to rise, but his cheeks just grew hotter as Roy continued to stare at him knowingly, that smug look growing more and more amused by the second. "...You know what, I can beat your ass with alchemy any day, who gives a shit about chess anyway- like it matters; no one _I_ know plays chess anymore anyhow..."

Roy's smirk continued to grow.

"...only old losers play chess, I don't care..."

That grin was now so disgustingly self-satisfied Ed almost thought the bastard would burst out laughing at him then and there, throat be dammed.

"...You know what, bastard, quit looking so _smug! So what_ I don't know how to play! No one but old men like _you_ play it, but it doesn't even matter, because if I did know how to play it I'd _slaughter_ you!"

Roy finally did throw his head back, mouth open in silent laughter as he clutched a hand to his chest, trembling violently with suppressed hilarity. His eyes were lighter than they'd been surely this entire conversation, and Ed, flushing brilliantly, resisted the urge to chuck one of the pieces at his head. _Glad I could cheer you up, you fucking bastard._ "You look like you're having a heart attack, you fucking loser," he muttered under his breath, trying as very hard as he could to not sound as embarrassed as he felt. "Not surprising, though; you're about old enough for one."

Great. Now the bastard had more ammunition to tease him on. Just fucking great.

He heard the scratching of the pen again, finally, and figured it was some more silent bastardness coming. He continued to stubbornly glare away, ignoring him for what little was worth- though finally being forced to give in when Roy shoved the note at him again. Reluctantly, he took it, and even more reluctantly, he turned his gaze downwards.

_This is a rook. He can't jump other pieces. Only knights can._

He blinked.

Roy lifted his castle piece up in the air, waving it at him, then put it back where it belonged and nudged at the horse piece next to it. _Rook,_ he mouthed. _Knight._

His eyes were still a little bright with restrained amusement, but his smirk was gone, at least, and after several moments Roy went back to his own side.

Ed, allowing himself a tiny, weak grin, followed suit.

They proceeded on like that, Roy silently demonstrating how each of the pieces worked while Ed absorbed it all, growing accustomed to the rules while the colonel aimlessly moved his side around the bored, not really trying to win. Truth be told, Ed had been meaning to do this for quite a while now. Chess was extremely popular among alchemists; he could think of three off the top of his head that had encoded their research in the game- and it was starting to be just inconvenient that he was helpless at it. Not only that, but it was an intriguing game of strategy and it always made him feel a little bit like a kid when he had to stand by and watch adults play it, with no clue what was going on...

But, he'd just never had the opportunity to learn it. Izumi had tried, once or twice, but back then he'd only cared about alchemy and she'd given up rather quickly. Hohenheim had never bothered. And nowadays, with all of the research still to be done, he'd found it hard to justify taking a couple weeks off just to learn about chess.

 _Bishop,_ Roy mouthed, waving one of his pieces in the air, then pushed it diagonally across the board.

Hiding a grin, Ed glanced back down at the chess board and returned his attention to his side.

He let silence hold for several minutes, preferring to focus on learning the rules and pieces. When he felt he was starting to get the hang of it, though, he glanced up at Roy again, raising an eyebrow. "I don't know why I'm letting _you_ do this, by the way. You suck at chess."

Roy rolled his eyes, poking at a pawn. _I know the rules, which is more than you've got going for you._

"Hughes slaughtered you," Ed muttered, tossing the paper back at his head.

The colonel grimaced again. _I'm a terrible strategist at chess. I can't stand sacrificing any one of my pieces for the king's sake; Hughes is ruthless. He'll execute them all himself if it keeps his king alive. That's the only reason he beats me._

"Isn't sacrificing pieces the whole _point?"_

Roy released a frustrated sigh, nudging his king to the left one space. _For the sake of him, though? The king is the weakest piece in the game. If he can't protect himself or anyone else, he shouldn't be king in the first place._

"He's an inanimate object!" Ed laughed, throwing a hand up in exasperation. "And you're a metaphorical loser. You're just making excuses for why you suck."

 _Sure. And you're a literal loser._ That said, grinning, Roy promptly took his knight with a pawn, leaned back to reek satisfaction, and mouthed, _Check._

"...Oh, fuck you." Ed scowled as he moved his king to safety.

Or, so he'd thought.

 _Still check,_ Roy mouthed, and at this point, he practically _exuded_ smug, irritating amusement.

Bastard.

Ed glared down at the board, trying to play it off- but the longer he looked at the bored, the more he realized that, apparently, the colonel was done taking it easy on him. The bastard had him almost perfectly penned in and hadn't even broken a sweat. Damn it... when had this morphed from a lesson into an actual game? This was bullshit; he'd only been playing for fifteen minutes!

Well, at least against Roy, he'd still have a chance at winning...

Stifling a yawn, Ed leaned his head against his hand, trying to clear his mind enough to keep up. But all too quickly, Roy started herding his pieces around the bored, now showing off as he claimed them one by one- his smug smirk growing by the minute. Very, very quickly, it was becoming apparent just how outclassed he was- and suddenly, Ed was terrified of playing Hughes, if even _Roy_ was having this little trouble cleaning him out. He yawned again, shutting his eyes for a brief moment- then jumped, when in that brief moment, his queen was knocked off the bored.

"H-hey! You can't do that!"

Roy smirked. _Can't what? Win?_

"... _Go to hell, old man!"_

Roy just smirked again, and deliberately moved to take his last knight next.

* * *

When Ed slowly woke up the next morning, it was to a crick in his neck, the fuzzy feeling of sleep still blurring his eyes, and the weight of a chess set piece sitting in his hand.

He yawned for a moment, just squinting down at the white king lying abandoned in his palm, a short note from Roy pinned underneath it. A glance around the room told him Roy was still blissfully asleep, completely passed out even with the sun shining right in his face. However, the chess set had been put away. He didn't remember the end of the game at all, come to think of it... by the looks of it, had ended up falling asleep midway through, and Roy had cleared it all up before going back to sleep himself.

But, then, why was the colonel's centerpiece in his hand?

Ed frowned at it for a moment, then, he started to grin.

Roy only would've given him the king if he'd won it.

He'd beaten that loser bastard after all.

"Heh," he muttered under his breath, smirking triumphantly. "Haven't played the game more than an hour and still beating his ass. I knew it! He really does suck at it... idiot..." He gripped the king for a moment, hefting his prize and unable to help an evil grin of victory, then reluctantly set the piece down to return to the colonel's note.

_Edward-_

_Your army all died._

_The end._

_You are hereby forbidden from leading any troops ever again._

_In addition: my king has never before fought off an invading army so weak as yours. You have amused him. However, rather than execute you, he has decided to take pity on you, and adopt you and your men as his new slaves instead. He enjoyed playing with you, and hopes by sparing you, he'll get to do so again._

_Just put up less of an embarrassing resistance next time._

_Roy~ally yours,_

_:)_

* * *

 

When Hughes came later that day to pick the colonel up, neither would explain the strangely shaped bruise on Roy's cheek, or why it perfectly matched the shape of his chess set's king.


End file.
